Cheaper than dirt

Ol’ Dutch being some kind of Scottish persuasion, has always had a penchant toward the cheaper way of doing things. It can be said that I can squeeze a dime out of a nickel and even though some people might find that to be a dig at their image, I find it to be quite the compliment thereby proving some Scottish heritage is latently hidden.

Now I thought that I knew about everything there is to know about finagling a lower price on everything imaginable until the day I met Miss Trixie's mother. This woman, although claiming no Scotch blood at least most recently, was so good at getting good deals that she must have been a descendant of the Scottish King at the least.

I knew she was good at wheeling and dealing but it became crystal clear the day Miss Trixie and I got her some eggs that were supposed to be on sale. As luck would have it, they were out of the dozen eggs, so we got the 18 count, which was a few cents more. Arriving back at the RV park and presenting the eggs to her we were scolded for spending a whopping $0.007 cents an egg more for the 18 box. Now, this is not 7 cents but less than a penny an egg.

She just would not let that go so Ol’ Dutch thought he would make her see how ridiculous this was and offered her $2 to just shut up. And, true to form Miss Billie took my $2 thereby pocketing a cool profit of $1.92 to boot.

Well, Miss Billie has gone on to her reward in Heaven and we sure miss her and her shopping finesse but let me tell you, Miss Trixie has taken over where she left off and although it does drive Ol’ Dutch to distraction when she tries to save a dime by driving 20 miles, her skills save us thousands of dollars a year on things we normally buy anyway.

My son Bubs always asks his wife “how much did you save me today” when she shops as he has given up on asking how much she spent. And it seems no matter what is spent by our “others” we are always presented with the savings and not the actual bill.

Why just this past week Miss Trixie came home from town with a new shower curtain. And presenting it like she had won the Lottery, informed me that she got it for $2 thereby saving $3 over the one she found, but refused to buy, in Colorado.

I used to make fun of her constant search for savings on things we need but it suddenly dawned on me that by doing this Ol’ Dutch is able to spend more on hunting and fishing supplies. Now that is smart business right there.

And this got me to thinking — a dangerous pursuit according to Miss Trixie — that maybe she needs to start giving lessons on how she does this. What could be needed more in this time of hyperinflation than a way to cut your expenses in half or even more?

I am reminded of the time we went to a local store named Cheaper Than Dirt. Miss Trixie did her usual perusing the aisles and finally found just what she needed. They actually had a shopping cart full to overflowing and shrink-wrapped up for the whopping sum of $10. Careful observation from every angle convinced her that this was the buy of the century and two years later we are still using items from that cart.

And the reason I know that is she proudly announces each time she gets to use something from that time like she has won the World Series of shopping. And you know, maybe she has.

So, if you need to find a way to double your spending power, I suggest you schedule a day with Miss Trixie. Your man will thank you when he gets that new shotgun, too. 


Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at