Kids say the darnest things


If you are old enough to remember or have been exposed to reruns of the Art Linkletter television show you can certainly remember the part featuring kids.
Art would put them in chairs onstage and ask questions of these little, bitty shavers. Their answers would send either squeals of laughter from the audience or reddish shades of embarrassment to their parents’ faces.
Kids see the world from a totally different perspective than adults and the filter on their mouths has not yet been tuned by parental and societal instruction. They will tell you what they think and, as shocking as it might be sometimes, it’s usually the truth.
Blurting out something about Mrs. McGuillicuddy’s new hair color or lack thereof in the middle of church is normal for them as it’s what they see and of course obvious to everyone else who are too afraid to mention it.
I remember one young man who was asked to go to a wrestling tournament by his pal’s parents. Thinking he would be thrilled to go, the parents were shocked that he adamantly refused. Try as they may to lure him to go with promises of sodas and popcorn and candy from the concession stand at the event, he said he didn’t want to see that again.
Somewhat confused they pressed him on that last statement as they knew he had never been to a match to their knowledge and wondered why he felt the way he did.
He went on to explain that his Daddy and Mommy wrestle in bed all the time and all that noisy groping and naked activity was enough for him. No thank you.
Everyone who has ever had children has had similar embarrassing remarks said by their own children; I can recall when my daughter Cricket suddenly realized that people had different skin color. That moment of recognition came in the line at the Kroger store and she blurted it out for all to hear. One woman of color asked her if it was all right that her skin was black. And my daughter said “of course.”
Of course, once home Cricket’s mom and I instructed her in what not to stay and how to behave. The problem really was with us adults, I think. Cricket only noticed that the lady had different skin color and had no judgment or opinion about it. There’s probably a lesson in there for us all.
The other day I was with Granddaughters #1 and #2 and they were looking at my stomach and how much it had shrunk over the past two months due to Ms. Trixie starving me almost to death.
I showed them the five belt notches like carvings on the handle of a six shooter of a proud gun-fighter in an old Western movie. They oohed and ahhed until the 4 year old poked my belly and said “Grandpa is getting skinny.”
That made me so happy that at least she would notice my efforts. The skinny part is up for interpretation as I am not sure I have ever been skinny but my belly is going down like the Hindenburg in 1937. Slow but steady
Not satisfied with simply keeping on subject she then grabbed the old saggy skin under my neck and said “well, what about that?”
Thanks #2. Here I was starting to feel like my old sexy self and she had to point out the effects of gravitational pulls on my body. “Man, I hate Isaac Newton,” said every old person ever polled.
There is nothing like a child to keep you honest I guess and her observations will certainly keep Ol’ Dutch from chasing any younger women as even in his lithe form, he now really knows what they see when they look at him.
And that, my friends, is why I keep Miss Trixie around. She is a tall woman and so she looks Ol’ Dutch square in the eye, bypassing his jowls and seemingly missing the view below like some shorter models would see.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected] Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.


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