Trout Republic: Cheating Side of Town

Unless you are as old as Ol’ Dutch or an Eagles fan, you may not know what the “cheating side of town” is. In their song “Lyin’ Eyes,” the Eagles sing about a kept woman who steps out on the old man she lives with.

I really have no use for people so inclined to act that way but this past weekend found me having to resort to some cheating of my own. Well, maybe not cheating as age does provide a person with a certain amount of leeway in their actions in certain circumstances.

Miss Trixie and Ol’ Dutch had to make a run to Texas to deliver some “junk” out of our storage unit here and also a massive elk head. The very talented Keith Daniels mounted the elk for me plus two great whitetail deer mounts. If you have not seen his work, I encourage you to call and visit his studio south of Monte Vista sometime as it is awesome.

Son No. 1 -- and only one -- Bub’s had supposedly cleared the way for me to store said game heads at his house but once we arrived, we found out that his wife, Tinkerbell, actually rules that roost. It was a tad tense for a few but I guess we will move them to his office until said time I get a place to hang them. He told me over and over that he is “the bull goose” of that household but I found out he isn’t even a small gosling in actuality.

Arriving Thursday, we were able to get unloaded and be ready for the soccer game for granddaughter No. 2 Saturday morning. The day dawned bright and sunny and soon we found ourselves surrounded by screaming parents all imagining their little Suzy would be the next Pele of the soccer world. And that was just my son and his wife.

My granddaughter Little Pruitt is a good player and she scored countless times so maybe there is a chance she will gain fame and fortune and add her name to the list with Beckham, Messi and Ronaldo. I may want a piece of that action if so.

Arriving back at my son’s house it soon became apparent that breathing hard and sweating profusely in the morning was not enough exercise for the day, however. And that was Grandpa’s exertion from the parking lot to the soccer field.

Both kids soon decided that a family soccer game was in order and they drug me off the bench and into a game I was ill prepared for. Let’s just say it had been a while since I had run and kicked so it took a while to get with the program. But those little 6 and 9 year old legs of said grandkids soon had me panting like a dog in heat.

So Ol’ Dutch had to resort to his secret weapon of the soccer world and yes you guessed it, I cheated. When that little speed demon of a six-year-old came past me on the next possession  I grabbed her and carried her over my shoulder while I easily took the ball down and scored.

It was obvious from her reaction that she had not played much with old people and did not know about “reasonable accommodations” afforded to older folk by the Americans with Disability Act. This is an actual law and allows a person to ask for accommodations in order to level the playing field for them with people who are not disabled.

She proceeded to tell me that “cheaters never win” and I didn’t want to burst her bubble and tell her that mostly they do as we can see from our politicians and pro athletes who often cheat, lie and steal and seem to get by with it.

We had to have a quick lesson about the difference between a family game and actually playing in an area game and soon she had stopped the tears and was holding onto grandpa’s leg while her dad scored. When I complained about the foul so committed, she was quick to point out that it’s “family rules” and proceeded to beat the pants off me again.

Off to Texas we go for the winter for babysitting, cattle wrangling, garden planting and fence building. We hope you each have a great winter wherever that may take you and have great Holiday Seasons ahead.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected] Additional news can be found at  or on Twitter at TroutRepublic


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