Trout Republic - Texas or Bust


Spend just a few minutes out along the highway this time of year and you will quickly come to understand that there is a mass exodus out of Colorful Colorado to points south and east.
This is what is known locally as “peace and quiet” after a summer of raucous retirees tearing up the trails on their ATV’s and destroying any buffet that may be in sight.
And, alas, the time has come, too, for when Ol’ Dutch has enough snowflakes hit him in the nether regions. Plus poor Cooper has shaken himself silly shivering from the cold, so Ol’ Dutch and Trixie packed up the old Conestoga and pointed it toward Perfect #1 and Perfect #2 who reside in the great State of Texas.
Ol’ Dutch has never really been a fan of Texas -- and even though Miss Trixie originally hails from that vast wilderness -- I still don’t see why people love it so. I guess wherever you are from, there you are. Frankly, when talking about Texas, it is just a hot mess.
Pulling a huge rig over the mountains pales in comparison to having to tug that thing across half the globe -- which is, as you know, the exact dimension of Texas. Have you ever seen anything else that goes on and on and on without end? I think if they divided it into about five states it would sure be a shorter distance across it.
The trip was pretty much the same old drudgery with endless cactus, rabbit bush and scattered cows with a few missed turns which is always fun for any couple and results in what is known as a “rhubarb.”
Those of you who know Trixie can understand her attention to detail and my inattention to about everything around me, so you can imagine what it is like when she is navigating me to my destination.
I’m sure I would have done much better in the pioneer days when a man didn’t have a sign to follow and hence could always say he “meant” to go through Minnesota on the way to California from Missouri when confronted by his wife Matilda and the rest of the wagon train.
I only went west once during our southern journey and what is known as “the end of the world” occurred over in the seat next to me as Trixie let me know soon enough that Dallas was east of our position and I needed to turn around “right now!”
Now, in defense of myself, I only went West that once and who knew that Lubbock was so out of the way? I have never been there and maybe, just maybe it was in the cards to see that lonely stretch of America?
After a seemingly interminable length of time and endless filling of the gas tank we arrived alive at our destination only a short five miles from the grands and family. Quickly dropping anchor we had to rush over there to deliver the customary presents that every parent or grandparent is expected to shell out for upon return from any destination including getting milk from the local grocer.
A sack full of stuff was quickly gone through with precision and the whoopee cushions that grandpa picked out were the hit of the evening because there is nothing funnier to a kid than a fart sound while adults are trying to catch up on the summer news.
My son Bubs and his wife Tinkerbell were quick to let us know that our future schedule would be full of chores and baby-sitting as they are worn to a frazzle with the activities that go on around there every day.
To all of you who endure the cold Colorado winters I will pray for your safety and warm toasty fires. As for those who fled to Texas a month ago, my condolences as the heat, even this late in the fall, is just pitiful.
They say you can always take off more clothes in the heat as opposed to trying to put on enough to keep warm in cold environs but it’s been suggested that maybe, just maybe Ol’ Dutch should cover up as much of his manly physique as possible to avoid possible prosecution for indecent exposure. Ah, Texas, here I am.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected] Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.

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