Trout Republic-That's no bull

© 2017-Conejos County Citizen

The use of the term “That’s no bull” has permeated about every part of our society over the last 50 years and no one seems to be immune from its use.

Everyone from schoolmarms to Sunday school teachers to truck drivers and bikers have incorporated that term into their everyday life.

I have noticed that the more timid – and polite — of our society use the shortened “bull” as in “you are full of bull” while those who are less likely to care what anyone thinks usually gives it the whole “BullScheisee” (that’s German for, well, you know) or even shortened more to just plain “Scheisee.” As in, “you are full of Scheisee.”

Looking up the definition in the Urban Dictionary, it supposedly alludes to whatever the person is trying to tell you smells like the odiferous leftovers behind a big old pasture bull.

Speaking of bulls, Ol’ Dutch inherited a bull last year when he bought a piece of the rock in Texas as the former owners could not catch the bull and his mother before I took ownership of the land. All in all he is a good gentle soul and eats out of my hand to the point of being a pest.

I have noticed, though, that he does seem to leave larger than normal piles of natural organic fertilizer wherever he goes and hence I can understand why the term is so popular.

Even the most pious of those among us use the term, you know, and thinking back even my father, the Pastor, expressed the sentiment but used the word “baloney” instead of the riper term.

And having been forced to eat some of that slimey-hoof-and-mouth-chicken-beak-and-feet-ground-meat some call lunchmeat a time of two, I can attest to it being a bad deal if you were “full of baloney.” Nothing good can ever come of consuming that nasty concoction.

So Ol’ Dutch got to wondering – always a bad thing according to Miss Trixie -- if there were some measuring method to decide just how full of bull someone is. I mean, some people just give you reason to believe they are maybe stretching a fact or two while others seem to leave a huge steaming pile wherever they go.

And that brings me to a life lesson, courtesy of my bull, Bucky, named by the grandchildren.

This past week Bucky decided that he has reached the size that he could challenge the bull across the fence. The two of them had been doing a pull and shove through the wire for a while and somehow Bucky decided the time had come for him to wage war on the Black Beast next door.

While Bucky is a whopping 1,600 pounds if an ounce, the Black Beast is probably pushing 2,500 pounds since he has not seen a diet in a long time.

It must have been a colossal struggle as the youngster took on the oldster and Bucky came limping home minus one entire horn. It was knocked off at the root and he has been moping around the place like a kid who lost his first fight – and a few teeth -- at school.

And, there is the lesson, kiddos. While yes, indeed there are some younger people who have copious amounts of the bull present, it is no contest for the aged and wiser souls amongst us. You see, the older that a person gets the amount of smelly stuff they can put out increases greatly.

The reason for this is just like the older bull, they have more experience with spreading it around and hence can take on all challengers when contested for the title of Biggest Bulls**tter.

Now Ol’ Dutch can spread some of that stuff around with the best of them but every once in a while, I find myself up against a real professional shoveler of the bull.

Trixie’s uncle, The Bull Goose himself, is one such character and he became my hero soon after we met. When Trixie’s mom asked me why on Earth, I would pick someone so ornery and so full of baloney to be my hero all I could say was “I finally met someone more full of it than me.”

The moral of this column is that no matter how much you think you can dish, there is someone out there who is deeper in it than you are. Now that’s some real deep wisdom, right there, folks.

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Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.

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